reflection & severe mending discovery

I'm getting back on track.

"The High Preistess is a gateway to integration. She shows you what's inside. She takes time to get quiet to listen to her inner voice." - The Devil, The Lovers, and Me by Kimberlee Aurbauch

I moved away with a mission....to get rid of the pain, the stagnance, the immobile love life, the loneliness...

[view from the philly house i tried to escape to]

The longer I was away the more I realized...the pain won't go away with geographic exploration. It's great to see the world, necessary and revitalizing. But the only way to mend yourself is by facing the issues...wherever you are. I can't hide from myself.

[an illustration done by me]

...inspired by

"The Rip" - Portishead

[this version is coincidentally amazing because it features clips from my all time favorite movie, The Fountain by Darren Aronofsky (he is married to Rachel Weisz, the actress in the film - also directed and produced Requiem for a Dream]

As for my love life, I know even more now...what i'm looking for. And it isn't something I can go out and put an order in for. Because that kind of soul is not what I need. I need to do the things my own soul is telling me to do. And love will love that.

"Aquarius" by me




"Daniel" - Bat for Lashes
[singer, Natasha Kahn, is a babe]

I wasn't alone. There was an abundance of humans in my life. It took leaving to truely solidify that. But the people I've always loved and cherished...inspire me with their independant ability to discover what i had to take a selfish escape to find.

[a postcard from my dad to my mom before i was born]

[my grandma in the 70's]

[my dad the year he married my mom - '82]

[my mom the year i was born - '86]

[my little sister & i, virginia beach '96]

"Beach Baby" - Miracle Fortress

(video extraction from "El Globo Rojo" by Albert Lamorisse)

So i'm guilty and I'm apologetic. But I'm humbled and human and I'm ready to face the things I scattered around. I'm picking up the pieces and I'm open to everything inevitable now.

I'm not a rockstar. I'm a human, and that finally excites me the way it should have all along.

I DON'T KNOW A LIFE ON THE BEATEN PATH ANYMORE. I MAY HAVE TRIED AND I MAY BE JUDGED FOR FAILING AT THAT OR AT CHOOSING TO TAKE THE ONES LESS TRAVELED. BUT I WANT THE SAME RICHES AND HOLD THE SAME MORAL VALUES AS WHOEVER IT IS THAT DEFINES WHAT THE BEATEN PATH IS. THE MORE I EMBRACE THIS GIFT OF IMAGINATION AND INTEGRATE THIS ABUNDANCE OF CREATIVITY INTO MY SURROUNDINGS...THE CLEARER IT IS TO NAVIGATE THROUGH MY OWN INDIVIDUAL ROUTE TO THE UNIVERSAL DREAM OF HAPPINESS.