so much to tell, so much to show & tell tell tell

somehow,

i seem to feel more feelings up near the forests & the greens...

and they're feelings i've been fearing

but so so so need.

a memo i wrote on my phone while walking to my last night bartending in philadelphia:

i think i'm aways going to need a place that's a home. Somewhere with suburban comforts and the protection of tall trees...though i'm infatuated with bright lights & noisy parties, the nature calms the inner ego in me and the quiet ensures there won't be too much distraction for my already scattered thoughts to escape.

a large picture i made for my dad on father's day.

I'm into globes, contemplating faces, & city backgrounds as of late.

Go figure.

one of my tarot decks

(i had to "clean the deck", which basically means to re-order them...because i did a reading and it was all off. I had 5 cards out of the deck sitting on my dresser all week for inspiration but leaving those out when you're not around is not good energy for the rest of the deck)

BUT LOOK HOW SICK THAT PICTURE IS!

__________________________________________________________

_______________highlights of my astrological year________________

[as according the my beat up astrology BIBLE i've been carrying around since last july]

1. Neptune & Jupiter traveling through aquarius in my third house =

expanding ideals and spirituality + integrating them into daily life

i have been living by astrology more and more and more than ever this year

neptune dissolves the ego boundaries between you and the rest of the world

so that your compassion is deepened

neptune + a little example from some people (one more than others)

showed me how ugly an ego can be so i'm working to drop mine for good

2. Uranus traveling through pisces in my fourth house =

change + redefinition in home life. Parents need additional support,

sudden unexpected moves regarding home, family growth

my brother, my sister, and i all came home + i am working on better family communication

3. Non-harmonious and conflicting planets in my career house =

toughin' it out job wise

self explanitory, i'm broke as shit

4. In general: SPIRITUAL QUESTS, TRAVEL, SERENDIPITY, & EXPANSION

p.s. how awesome is this deck's death card?

BRIEF SUMMARY OF MY SUNDAY MORNING DREAM:

my dad had 'unfortunate news'.

He was holding back tears and said 'this is the hardest thing i'll ever have to tell you'

he held up a binder with a self-made sticker.

He was starting his own project. Producing a Golf Reality Show.

Ok.

The catch is...we have to move to.....AFRICA.

(obviously)

I get so sad, I really don't want to go.

We get to our new place that looks just like America inside.

But we live right next to a big dark murky watering hole where elephants live.

My dad makes us watch clips of the show. It isn't even filmed in Africa.

I feel like we're being tricked.

I run outside and pass a mirror on my way out.

I'm now asian looking???

There is a big hotel-esque lobby i have to go through to get outside.

I go to the watering hole and start to sink into dark yellow....shit.

i don't want to be here.

I go back upstairs to get inside and look in the mirror and see i'm covered in the yellow elephant shit and too

preoccupied with other things to clean it off me. I hate what this place has done to my reflection.

There's more that i collected this weekend. But for some reason, I'm content with my show & tell for tonight.

Goodnight.